2005-09-16 - disillusioned
this happens all the time and I'm not sure if I commit the crime to find the cure for vanity's insanity, the bane of all humanity, the wretched curse of beauty and her falsely perceived duty to attach a deeper meaning than what's there and destroy a friendship shared without a care she's entrenched as perpetrator as a heartless love evader if a man's eliminated from her prospects she intuitively cuts away all suspects
it's so hard to be a friend when feelings come all the cards just seem to play out well for some they meet and greet and then they are destined to befriend all the deeper forms of friendship that ensue and they both know what it does and doesn't do... and they navigate together through the storm of emotions which occur beyond the norm... but here now in this space where I contemplate my case I can see no remedy for this disease it's so far removed from me - if you please I'm too busy to address her invitation I'm insulted by her vain insinuation I'm not a fan of this lame kind of game so it's back into the mass from which she came the swirling world which can't be trusted when the crap detector's busted it's so easy to believe your lucky day has arrived, but till then... let us pray she thought I wanted more when I opened up the door and I thought she thought I wanted her for less every thought has been reduced now to a guess for when she sent mixed signals like the joke about bi-linguals and the eyebrow cocked and rising to crescendo not to mention that reverse of inuendo and the way she stared to see if I got jealous when she spent 2 hours talking to her fellas and I shrugged it off as nothing I was not the least bit bluffing I could care less who she talks to on the phone as long as he is someone I'd condone but her game continued weak so I called her up to speak and confront her with her flakey disposition and that's how I revisit this position saying, what's my motivation? is it self-congratulation? for the bellows? for the fire? for the coals? is it miscommunication? is it misinterpretation? is it hell no to desire in our souls? no, it's nothing like envisioned it's a very sad division disappointing and disjointing and it's gone and that's all the time I've got - I'm moving on
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